Brown Skinned Brownie

I remember the cashier at the grocery store (after overhearing my mom speaking to me in Spanish) telling my mom that if she was going to live in America she was going to have to learn to speak English.

I posted the photo above on my Facebook page one year with the comment, “I was the only brown Brownie”. It was meant to be funny but the truth is it wasn’t always funny. I remember selling Girl Scout cookies door to door with my mom and an old man asking her how long she had been speaking English and when is she going to lose that lousy accent. My mom didn’t hesitate to answer him that she was a proud American citizen and she may have a lousy accent but she speaks two languages and asked him how many he speaks. After his response of one she told him that when he learns a second one he can come talk to her about her accent and finished off with, “Are you going to buy some cookies or not?”. He bought two boxes.

I remember sorting through my piggy bank money and my mom finding out I was going to throw all my pennies away because they were brown. You see, I had been walking to school and other kids were calling me ‘beaner’ because I was brown. My mom took me by the hand and told me my brown skin was beautiful, she then walked me to the living room and pointed out the picture window. On the driveway across the street laid a very fair skinned blonde woman slathered in oil. “See?”, she asked. “Women all over want to have your skin color, they pay to perm their hair to look like yours and they fry their bodies to have skin like yours”. She reminded me that I was beautiful but mostly because of my beautiful heart, and that I would always be beautiful because the inside comes out so strong.

I can go on and on with stories similar to these but the important thing is with the example and reactions of my mom I was able to grow into a confident woman who didn’t let those events continue to effect me in a negative way. Thanks to this, years later when I was walking in a strip mall with two daughters of my own and a woman sped dangerously erratic and close to us I threw a hand up to gesture “are you serious?”. She looked out the car window and said, “oh relax” and I replied that she should slow down and to that she said, “Why don’t you go back to the country you came from?”. The funny part came when she pulled into a spot, got out and walked into a tanning salon. Looks like she was in a big hurry to get a tan. Anyway, I was then able to laugh at the comment and remember my mom’s message.

When I became a mom myself and started all our little nightly routines one of my favorites was something we called the color sleep. Starting with Isabel, I would list off colors and the things that each might represent. Like, Pink is a satin ballet slipper as it spins on the stage. Pink is cotton candy, sticky, sweet and melting on your pink tongue. Pink is a squirmy, squealing piglet before he splashes into the cold mud. Brown is mommy’s morning cup of coffee waking me up. Brown is the fresh earth on our hands and in our nails when we plant pretty flowers in the garden. Brown is a strong, fast horse running down the field. Brown is a yummy chocolate bar, milky sweet for you and bitter dark for me. Brown is your beautiful skin, eyes and hair, curly or straightened out, from shades of caramel to cinnamon, you are beautiful inside and out.

I’m so happy that my kids and others have more representation out there now than when I was growing up. To them it’s normal to see more diverse faces in roles that had been cast or written another way in the past. Just recently when I showed Grace that our highly anticipated live action film, The Little Mermaid had begun casting and Halle Bailey had been cast as Ariel her response was, “Cool!” And her little sister, Lucia’s was, “She’s SO pretty!”. So when I read online that people were having major temper tantrums about it I felt bad for their narrow minded views and the little ones they may be shaping. When I see and hear the supposed President of this country talking about US congresswomen going back to their countries or amused by and encouraging rally chants of “send her back”.... I feel more than sorry.

I will keep telling my kids that they are beautiful. I have two with brown skin, two with much lighter skin and one in between and all will continue to hear that their beauty comes mostly from their kind and generous hearts, their brave, adventurous spirits, love of books and curiosity and so much more. They will always be exposed to diversity in real life and in the media we choose.

VMAs and a Special Appearance

As far back as I can remember I’ve heard the stories from my mother and my aunts about generations of women in our family and their gifts and abilities to see spirits, see the future, know the truth. It’s much more than that really. If you heard all the stories, you might feel as though giving you a tweaked version of Isabel Allende’s The House of Spirits. After years of listening to endless stories, on the night of the 1990 MTV VMAs,  I finally had my first encounter with a spirit.

1990 was the year I started having premonitions and dreams that came true. It was definitely different from deja vu, not foggy but clear images and detailed descriptive events that would play out exactly as I had dreamt mere nights before. This time of clairvoyance didn’t last very long. I think one of the reasons it was a short-lived phase is because of what happened on the night of the VMAs and how intense it felt. I think I forced that door shut, choosing to no longer be open to those experiences. 

The MTV Video Music Awards were coming up and I was so excited about them that year because there would be a very special appearance. Not quite as special as the previous year when Madonna presented my beloved, George Michael with the MTV Video Vanguard (Career Achievement Award). This specific year was special because New Edition would have a reunion performance live on the VMA stage. I loved New Edition and the news that they would be together again for one special night had me feeling very eager for the occasion. This and Madonna to perform ‘Vogue’ , how awesome was that? The MTV VMAs were always a special night, I had made a tradition of watching with my cousins at my Tio Hugo and Tia Evelyn’s house and this year would be no exception. This house had a reputation for possible paranormal activity and the tales of how these activities came to be grew more and more elaborate over the years. I had yet to experience anything concrete and just had fun with the possibilities. On this very exciting night, it became a reality for me. As I sat on the family room floor watching New Edition perform a medley of their greatest hits, I sang and bopped to the rhythm until my cousin, Corin’s cat, Sebastian started freaking out. Sebastian was a very fluffy, very fancy Persian who spent most of his time lazily wandering around with no real emotion as so many adult Persian cats do. No kitten energy for this cat. But on this night, out of nowhere it seemed, Sebastian went wild. Sebastian ran up the walls and curtains, across the back of the sofa and around the living room in a frenzied feline marathon. Everyone was very surprised with this behavior and as my aunt and cousins commented and wondered what could possibly be the cause of all the raucous, I suddenly felt a presence and feeling as if I had been hypnotized. I turned to see what was behind me, beckoning me. I stared at the hall at the back of the room through an open door and waited as if I knew something was coming. Suddenly, he appeared, the man in the white suit. A man dressed in a white pant suit walked past the doorway toward the dining room. This is where it gets really strange in case the start wasn’t strange enough for you. For reasons I can’t explain, I stood up and followed the man. I was in some sort of trance it seemed and I followed into a dark dining room and into the formal living room. It didn’t take long before I snapped out of it and was overcome with fear. Why had I done that? What was I thinking? I started to cry as I told my Tia and cousins what I had just seen and that I had tried to follow him. I described how I had seen very detailed clothing and hands with veins and knuckles. I repeated that it wasn't like the typical ghost floating with a white sheet you hear about in stories. My Tia Evelyn recited the Our Father prayer and told me that if he was wearing white he was a good spirit. The stories of more ghost encounters at that house continued, nothing terrifying ever happened, more like cohabitation with a trapped soul. I wonder if he ever made it out of there? I wonder what’s in store for tonight’s VMAs.